That Summer When I Was Seven and We Went to Disney

18 Months Later.

I forgot I even tried to start this until I went through my Twitter to delete all the stupid tweets I’ve ever had  and realized I posted this a year and a half ago. I have never, EVER kept up with a blog/journal/diary/newsletter. Ever. I always bought them because they were pretty and because I wanted to be a tortured Beatnik and sit by the Merrimack River and smoke cigarettes and write in a leatherbound book. I even started an Advertising blog and made the mistake of sharing the link with my 421W professor, before promptly never posting anything.

That’s something I hate about my major/field of interest. Every internship application asks for your Twitter URL, every professor urges you to blog about the industry.  It’s all a clichéd race to get ahead by turning every bit of your free time and personality into mindless retweets of articles and videos. Every person that’s going to beat me out for a job arbitrarily (and probably unwillingly) combed through AdWeek or AdAge every day and posted some stuff on a Twitter, whored said Twitter out to potential employers, and was hired because of his/her “dedication to the field”. Also, they were probably in PRSSA. 

Is that really what being a good employee is all about? I like what I study. The things I read about in class are interesting, the projects are helpful, the people are colorful. But I want to make a distinct separation between my work life and my fun life. I’ve gone on interviews with media agencies (and is there really ANYTHING more generic than a “media agency”??) and been pressed about why I pursued an internship for an education reform nonprofit rather than advertising. Answer: Because it was fun. Also, because no ad agency would take me. I’m taking a job in publishing this summer. It looks fun. (Also, ad agencies still won’t take me).

If I wanted to waste four years of my life being miserable but have a lot of connections in my field, I would have gone to Syracuse. 

Get me off TheKnot.Com

I’ll admit it. I…love weddings.

I can’t even say I’m a huge fan of marriage itself. Or even romantic affection in general. The concept of monogamous commitment has never seemed particularly appealing to me. I’ve never been a huge fan of flowers or pet names or candlelight. It’s no secret that I’ll probably be through at least two cycles of marriage, seperation, and divorce. I don’t even go to a lot of weddings. I’ve only been to one wedding in my entire life. So why am I so addicted to them?

I just want one day in my life that is solely dedicated to celebrating me.

My fascination with The Wedding began freshman year of high school, when I began my job at Mirabella’s Bakery. Not only does Mirabella’s carry those weird green cookies with the sprinkles and overpriced Italian bread, but there is also an extensive collection of customizable wedding cakes. To order one of these, you have to make an appointment with a manager and sit at a dusty booth in the corner, looking at garish designs and flower arrangements. On the table lies a book, “100 Tips for a Happy Wedding”. This book became my bible. Any time I had a free minute (which was obscenely often), I would read the book.

My fascination then turned to wedding shows on TV. Bridezillas, Say Yes to the Dress, Platinum Weddings. I can’t get enough of it. I have spent hours researching locations (I’m between the Berkshires and Cape Cod), the benefits of fall/winter weddings vs. spring/summer, decorative ideas, the best dress for my unforgiveably pear-shaped body, menu ideas (Qdoba caters.. I’m just sayin’..), dealing with pesky in-laws, the works. None of it has anything to do with preserving the best day of a woman’s life, but it’s all about impressing people I choose to invite. I’m demanding at least 2 years of engagement to be able to prepare what should be the greatest day of every guest’s life. And maybe my own.

So, inevitably, I signed up for an account on theknot.com (not to be confused with sister sites “thenest.com” and “thebump.com”). To be eligible for membership on the site, you had to fill in details such as your full name, email address, groom’s name, and date of wedding. I had to invent a fictional wedding in order to access site features, along with a fictional husband-to-be. Needless to say, I was pretty disgusted with myself. That is, until I read through “150+ Creative Table Names”. I’m absolutely addicted and I need an intervention from someone. Anyone.

My mom’s response? “Oh, we just got the new People magainze about the Jonas brother’s wedding. I left it in your room so maybe you can get some ideas. So at your wedding, you could be like ‘Oh, I got that idea from Pat Jonas’ wedding.’”

My dad’s response? “Why don’t you work on getting a boyfriend first.”

Help.

Hey, 2010. You’re new.

So I was going through old files a few weeks ago, organizing and deleting anything embarrassing that could be used in a police report if anything terrible ever happened to me (including, but not limited to: an entire word document dedicated to me trying to learn how to type solely using the home row keys Mavis Beacon-style, an MS Paint file of a checkerboard, and various love/hate letters written to various people/professors/celebrities/former US presidents). I did find some treasures though, one of those treasures being my “My 2009 New Years Resolutions”. I wrote twenty of them and I followed exactly zero. Some of the more humorous ones included “Learn calligraphy” and “Be less judgmental”. I’m sure you can guess that the second one was unsuccessful, but I failed to learn calligraphy as well. Bummer.

I read somewhere that only 10% of New Years Resolutions ever get accomplished at all, and I figured that if I made 10 resolutions, odds were good that at least one of them would be at least considered, if not completely followed.

1. Get a lawyer.

I’m not sure if lawyers are like doctors and dentists, professions where you have clients/patients during the off-season, as well as when they need you. Like, do you call up a lawyer only when you’re about to go to court, or do you have one in the Reserves all the time, ready at a moment’s notice while you’re being handcuffed? When being read my Miranda Rights, I want to be able to truthfully say, “I want my lawyer present before any questioning”. MY lawyer. Not just A lawyer. Preparation is KEY.

2. Run, occasionally.

What’s the deal, inner monologue? I ran four years of track and cross-country in high school. It’s the purest and cheapest form of exercise, and it’s something that I used to love doing. It takes an hour, maximum. I always claim that I don’t have time to run anymore, but it’s because I go to bed at such an obscene hour that I wake up mid-afternoon. Get it together, fatass. Type II diabetes waits for no man.

3. Be efficient.

The reason it takes me 9 hours to complete a 1.5 hour task is because I say to myself “Ehhh I have all afternoon to do this, don’t need to rush”, so I watch youtube videos of killer whales for 9 hours while doing what I need to be doing very very slowly. Almost to the point where I think to myself, “God, my homework is seriously cutting into my killer-whales-on-youtube time.”

4. Buy new clothes

Everything and anything to do with clothes shopping makes me want to slit my wrists. The florescent lights of dressing rooms do nothing to flatter my figure, and I end up cranky, insecure, and broke by the end of every trip to a store. And I don’t wear half the things I buy because I only bought them “because I was shopping”. Christmas Day, I wore a sweater that we were going to throw away in Atherton storage and thought nothing of it. I don’t think I have a terrible fashion sense, but I’m so cheap and boring. I’ll spend $8 on a bagel at Irving’s, but God forbid I throw more than $15 on a shirt.

5. Turn my phone off for at least 5 hours per day.

No one’s texting you, stop checking every fifteen seconds. No one likes overeagerness.

6. Eat things that are healthy

I was a strict vegan for a long time, and a vegetarian for even longer. I used to eat nothing but egg whites, vegetables, whole grains, and non-fat dairy. Now, I can’t remember the last time I had a vegetable. Unless you count the tomato sauce on my chicken parm as a vegetable, which I do.

7. Get more sleep

What’s up, 3:34 am.

8. Utilize a day planner

I trust myself to remember everything I have to do. I always know when I have rehearsals and appointments and homework (with the exception of INART115, which I forgot I took for a solid 2 weeks last semester, causing me to miss out on some valuable coursework. MY B.) but I just always do it so late. I need to start setting my own deadlines and then maybe I won’t be such an academic fuckup and disappointment.

9. Multivitamins

Because 40% of us will die from cancer.

10. Let things go

People, experiences, events, thoughts. You don’t have to be on good terms with everyone and everything you meet. Sometimes people aren’t worth the effort.

My money’s on the multivitamin one, especially if it’s chewable tablet form.

Bring it, year.